I Watched It For The Same Reason They Made It--To Get To Star Trek IV

And the Star Trek movie marathon continues...

I recently visited the public library for the sole purpose of picking up the copy of Star Trek III: The Search For Spock I had put on hold and was somewhat surprised when the librarian, after digging around on the hold shelf, emerged with a copy of My Little Pony: The Movie. Things were, thankfully, sorted out quickly. However, I believer this momentary snafu offered a portentous description of things to come, if only because Star Trek III: The Search For Spock is, in a word, gay.

And I mean that quite literally.

Up until I watched this movie, I had not taken the supposition that Kirk and Spock are not merely friends but in fact lovers as anything more than a joke. Now, hot heterosexual Vulcan-on-Vulcan off-screen luvin' aside, I'm seriously reconsidering my position.

But more on that later....

Although I didn't mentioned it in my review, Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan ended with Spock's funeral. He had selflessly chosen to sacrifice his life in a last ditch effort to save the endangered crew of the foundering Enterprise from Khan's final attempt at wreaking vengeance.

The opening of Star Trek III finds that same crippled Enterprise hobbling into space dock, and, although this movie ostensibly takes place only a week or two after the events of the preceding movie, everyone is really starting to look their age.

The Setup: Every Vulcan possesses a katra--an immortal soul if you will--which prior to their death they transfer via mind-meld to another individual. Vulcan custom then demands that the Vulcan's dead body and their katraceptical be brought to Mount Seleyah on Vulcan so that some ill-defined ceremony can take place.

The Good News: Spock did, in fact, transfer his katra before he died.

The Bad News: He transferred it into Doctor McCoy which, based on their respective personalities, seems like a fate worse than death.

The Complicating News: The requisite ceremony can't take place without Spock's body, but Kirk left that back on the Genesis planet, which is currently off-limits to all but Lt. Saavik, Kirk's son David, and the rest of the science team studying it. McCoy wasted no time getting arrested for trying to charter a ship to take him to Genesis and is about to be committed to a mental hospital. On top of that, Kirk and company are all out of a ride because the Enterprise is old, outdated and about to be sent to the junk heap. Meanwhile, Doc. Brown from Back To The Future is attempting to look menacing as he stalks around the bridge of a Klingon scout ship, fondles an alien dog, and searches for the secret of Genesis.

The Mission: Bust McCoy out of jail. Jack the Enterprise. Skip over to Genesis. Collect Spock's body. And hightail it to Vulcan.

Sounds easy enough for Kirk and krew.

Circumstances take a fortuitous turn when the Genesis planet's unique properties prove to have a regenerative effect on Spock's body; however, for reasons not adequately explained, he's not simply brought back to life but turned into a child.

But bad news is close behind. Due to David's irresponsible use of technobabble, the Genesis planet is unstable, growing at an erratic rate, and will break apart in a matter of days if not hours. Spock's body is connected to Genesis. As it grows, he grows, and when it dies he will die...unless he's removed from the planet, which the villainous Doc. Brown is making less than easy to accomplish.

Who wants to bet Kirk flies in and saves the day, Spock's body is taken off Genesis in time and his katra restored, and the movie ends with Kirk and Spock passionately making out?

Okay, one of those things didn't happen, but for a moment I really thought it was going to. Early in the film when Kirk told Sarek, "I loved your son more than you can know," I did my best to pretend that he was just talking about a very close friendship forged during five years when he and Spock were imperiled every week and routinely forced to trust each other with their lives, but by the end of this film that beneficial doubt I initially offered began to seriously waver.

It was not so much that Kirk sacrificed his career, his starship, and his own son to save Spock and then claimed it was all good because "If I hadn't tried the cost would have been my soul"; although, that didn't help.

I was more swayed by the fact that during the very dangerous ceremony in which Spock's katra was returned to his body, Kirk, for the life of him, looked like an anxious husband who's wife was enduring a painful, complicated birth.

And, when the danger was over, Spock's katra was restored, and for the first time Spock recognized who Jim was, the look Kirk gave him was magnetic. Even 23 years later and on the opposite side of the screen, I could feel the electricity between them as they gazed soulfully into each other's eyes, each longing to be with the other but both hesitant to move first, their hearts still painfully tender both with the memory of their recent loss and the intensity of their sudden joy caused by this miraculous reunion.

Erm. Moving on....

The film, while not bad, could not be considered more than mediocre. Longing gazes aside, this was not a character driven movie. It was more of a Let's-Hurry-Up-And-Bring-Spock-Back-To-Life-So-We-Can-Get-On-With-The-Franchise movie. It had a few laughs but not enough to carry the movie, and the dramatic moments did not really grab me.

...And I really had a difficult time taking Christopher Lloyd seriously as the bad guy. Even beneath all the Klingon makeup he still looked like Doc. Brown.

At any rate, there were a couple moments of note....

• McCoy suddenly doing Spock-like things

  I know it's a cheap laugh, but I did find it funny to hear him suddenly start throwing around the word "illogical" and see him try to do the Vulcan nerve-pinch.

• The discomfited look Lt. Saavik flashes Spock in the last scene of the movie

  The fact that Vulcans aren't supposed to feel emotions and that there was a perfectly logical reason she made hot Vulcan love to Spock, didn't stop her from looking incredibly embarrassed.

It is perhaps an indication of this movie's overall quality that those are the only moments that stood out to me.

Final Assessment: Unlike Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan, probably not enjoyable to anyone but a Star Trek fan, but still much better than Star Trek: The Motion Picture.