A Superior Movie

My quest to achieve superior geekdom has led me to that most memorable of sci-fi films, Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. This is actually one of two classic Trek movies I had already seen prior to the marathon currently in progress. In fact, several years ago, I actually went out of my way to see this film not because I was into Star Trek but because I was into Ricardo Montalban, who, as the titular Khan, is pretty damn cool in this flick.

When we last saw Khan Noonien Signh he was just waking up from a 300 year cryogenic slumber/space voyage; whereupon, he wasted no time utilizing unrefined emotional abuse and bad hairstyling techniques in order to brainwash one of Captain Kirk's female crew members and take over the Enterprise. Despite Khan's great physical strength, which is roughly five times greater than that of a normal human, Kirk kicked his ass and then marooned Khan, his crew of genetically engineered supermen, and the simpering woman he brainwashed on the unpopulated planet of Ceti Alpha V. Kirk then went on his merry way and forgot about them.

....Which ended up being an unfortunate decision because, six months later, Ceti Alpha V underwent cataclysmic climate change and became nearly uninhabitable. Over two thirds of the settlers died. When, fifteen years later, Khan and his remaining followers finally escape, he is understandably cheesed and immediately sets off on a Captain Ahabesque quest to avenge himself on Kirk.

Kirk, meanwhile, has given up gallivanting across the galaxy and is busy supervising the training of a new crew to take over his belovèd Enterprise. He's old and growing older, and to rub that fact in Dr. McCoy gives him a pair of reading glasses for a birthday present. Normally, such an action would be unforgivable, but the good doctor also gives him a bottle of illegal libations and some good advice, which I quote: "You're hiding--hiding behind rules and regulations...from yourself, Admiral...Jim, I'm your doctor and I'm your friend. Get back your command. Get it back before you turn into part of this collection--before you really do grow old."

It bears noting that, in the last film, Bones reamed Kirk out for doing that very thing. I guess the moral of this is that rather than pursuing your deepest desires you should just let go of them at which point they will magically start being fulfilled.

It seems to work for Admiral Kirk. Technically, Spock is captaining the Enterprise whilst on her training mission, but when trouble starts brewing Spock practically forces Kirk to take over.

...And trouble is indeed brewing. Khan is busy menacing one of Kirk's old flames by attempting to get his hands on a magically scientific device she has invented that can create whole new, inhabitable worlds out of previously lifeless matter. It can also create whole new, inhabitable worlds out of previously living matter, which sucks if the device in question falls into the hands of a genocidal maniac who would have no qualms about using it against a populated planet.

Thankfully, the crazed would be tyrant in this film is so obsessed with destroying James T. Kirk that he's not concerned with petty pastimes like planet-crushing....as Khan says of Kirk, "He tasks me." (Which, incidentally, I can relate to.) "He tasks me, and I shall have him. I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up."

Let's think about this for a minute. Kirk has averted the possible mass destruction of who knows how many inhabitable worlds simply by being such an asshole that Khan would prefer to exert all his energy hunting down and killing him rather than going off and conquering a planet or two.

I guess, if it works it works.

As an aside, am I the only one who finds it more than a little weird that Khan talks about the Antares maelstrom and the moons of Nibia, or that earlier he mentions an old Klingon proverb? At what point did this guy become so immersed in 23rd century culture that he started using their idioms? He grew up in the late 20th century. He left earth in 1996. He spent the next 300 years in cryogenic stasis, at which point he woke up and spent only a couple days among 23rd century men before being cut off from civilization for the next 15 years. At what point during his life did he learn about Klingons, Nibia, or Antares, and, even if he did, at what point did those words enter his day-to-day vocabulary?

I seem to annoy certain of my family members when I complain about things like this...but it's very important to me. I will do my best to suspend my disbelief for any initial premise a sci-fi filmmaker presents me with, but, after that, I want said filmmaker to remain consistent within that premise or else I have a difficult time maintaining my initial suspension of disbelief. I can accept a universe in which Klingons exist and Antares has a maelstrom and in which humans created cryogenic sleeper space ships sophisticated enough that they could be launched in 1996 and still be operating almost 300 years later; however, within that premise I can't accept that a man from 1996, who was on that sleeper ship and woke up in the 23rd century, would know about Klingons.

But, if that's my big complaint about this movie then you know The Wrath of Khan must be pretty decent. In all honesty, I wouldn't normally review this movie because it is a stand out film and I have a hard time finding things to make fun of about it. Not only is it a good Star Trek movie, it's simply a good movie--well written and character driven--which I know from my own personal experience can be enjoyed whether or not you are acquainted with the film and t.v. show that preceded it.

For trivia buffs, it is also the home of one of William Shatner's most memorable onscreen moments.

So, what are the best aspects of this movie?

• The fact that it vastly outclasses Star Trek: The Motion Picture with only one third the budget
  
• It introduces my most favorite Starfleet uniform style
  
• The fact that all of Khan's men are portrayed by Chippendale dancers
  
• Ricardo Montalban
  
• Khaaan!